I really don’t want to. It’s embarrassing and private BUT one of the reasons I am writing this blog is because there is no one else really talking about this stuff and it sucks to think you are the only one suffering with these things.
So, sex it is.
I should preface this by saying that my husband and I have had 20 years of pretty awesome sex (for both of us!). We have our dry spells and our boring phases, but the awesome times definitely out weigh the not so awesome times. Until now.
Part of the problem is, it scares me. His heart rate is so jumpy, he’s gained weight, and his joints are so tired and sore that we’ve had to get a little creative. That’s not so bad. What is bad it that he sounds and looks like he is going to die when he climaxes now. It scares the shit out of me. The last time we had sex, he had to lay in bed perfectly still for about 10 minutes because his and back muscles were spazaming and cramping. It was very scary.
The other problem is that I am tired as hell and since he is irritated most of the time now, I just don’t have the patience or sympathy to “feel it” at the end of the day. Do I still love him? Absolutely. Sometimes, I think I love him more now than I ever have. Do I want to have sex with someone that has pissed me off no fewer than 6 times in 2 hours? Um, no.
I don’t have any answers or even want to go any further with these thoughts. I just want anyone else going through this to know they are not alone. We are a very loving and tight couple that have been together for 20 years and we are really struggling in this department because of this f-ing disease. It is irritating.