He’s not fooling me

After gaining close to 40 lbs. since January, he has been feeling very bloated and yucky.  For the last three weeks, he has changed his menu and has been eating less during the day.  He takes soup for lunch and trail mix for snack and he drinks so much water, I think they may need to put a porta potty in his office soon.

He has been doing one small project every day after work.  Last week it was computer work, this week it is physical work in the garage.  He *seems* to be doing really well.

Look closely.  His eyes are red and glossy.  He is sweating and his lips are dry.  Really look at him.  He is chugging along with a smile and what seems to be energy abound but watch him after he thinks you are out of the room.  He deflates.  He understands that appearances are important and he will never really ever let you see him not at his best.  He’s not fooling me.  I know him. I can sketch him inside and out with my eyes closed.  I can identify him by smell.  I know this man.

He will work with a smile until he falls over and can’t hold his head up anymore.  Then he will tell you he is fine, and do ten more minutes of work even though he just needs to rest.

I don’t know how he does it.  I go to bed every night worried and I wake up every morning worried.  I am worried about him.  I am worried about our oldest son making the rugby team which leads to being worried about the Olympics and College which leads to being worried about money which leads to being worried about our two young ones and how they will get to College then I worry more about money even more then I worry about the really scary thing….that’s when I worry about life without him.  That makes all my other worries seem so insignificant.  Life without him is not  life at all.  He has to get better.

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